Warning - I have been thinking!

I'm sorry I don't mean to do that, think that is, very often. It often gets me into trouble in one way or another.

I wrote a post the other day about how time flies and how I am coping better these days - or so it seems. Being sensitive and thoughtful (hah!) I decided it was time for some inner-contemplation on my developing coping skills.

First, am I any healthier than I was six years ago? Absolutely not. I have so many new ailments that are the chronic kind that follow me around wherever I go, I think I have lost count. I definitely have many more doctors and doctor appointments (these seem to go hand in hand) than six years ago.

I have many more surgical scars. I have the kind of scars where they went back in a second time to make sure the scar is going to stick around a long time. I have had the kind of surgery which left not one but four scars. I am going to start playing connect the dots with my scars and see what I can draw...

Back to coping, I have come up with a couple little reasons and a couple bigger reasons.

On the little reasons, I see a monthly therapist. I didn't start therapy until I was going through radiation. I did go to support groups but therapy might have helped me sooner.

I also believe in 'better living through chemistry' where I take an antidepressant daily because as my therapist puts it "I am in constant mourning for my health". This might not be a problem if my doctors stopped finding new ailments.Maybe if I stopped going to see my doctors they would stop finding new ailments.... No bad idea.

Bigger reasons why I think I am doing better. First of all for over the past two years, I have been going to the gym regularly. I used to belong to a gym where I would walk on the treadmill and look at all the other equipment and never know how to use it and I went for daily walks. I broke down a couple of years ago and joined the expensive gym for dilapidated people where they have worked with me.

Now even though my health has clearly gone down hill, I am physically in better shape with muscles and things like that. I have retained a fair amount of flexibility and have a good sense of balance so I feel less clumsy. All this makes me feel 'healthy'. I can pick things up without straining. I don't feel like I am going to trip over myself.

Finally, I think my coping skills have improved. I don't let myself get all worked up over the little things any more. Life is too short to let the little things bug me. I save that for stupid customer service people or bad drivers on the highway. Most of the rest of it, I have learned to let it run off my back. I mean I have heard more medical ailments, there are not that many new ones left that might scare me at this point.

Just or the hell of it last week I decided to see if anyone would offer me life insurance at this point. The answer I have found is not for 'any reasonable amount of money'. So maybe I am seeing the humor in things as well. That is coping too. And thinking...