Warning - I have been thinking!

I'm sorry I don't mean to do that, think that is, very often. It often gets me into trouble in one way or another.

I wrote a post the other day about how time flies and how I am coping better these days - or so it seems. Being sensitive and thoughtful (hah!) I decided it was time for some inner-contemplation on my developing coping skills.

First, am I any healthier than I was six years ago? Absolutely not. I have so many new ailments that are the chronic kind that follow me around wherever I go, I think I have lost count. I definitely have many more doctors and doctor appointments (these seem to go hand in hand) than six years ago.

I have many more surgical scars. I have the kind of scars where they went back in a second time to make sure the scar is going to stick around a long time. I have had the kind of surgery which left not one but four scars. I am going to start playing connect the dots with my scars and see what I can draw...

Back to coping, I have come up with a couple little reasons and a couple bigger reasons.

On the little reasons, I see a monthly therapist. I didn't start therapy until I was going through radiation. I did go to support groups but therapy might have helped me sooner.

I also believe in 'better living through chemistry' where I take an antidepressant daily because as my therapist puts it "I am in constant mourning for my health". This might not be a problem if my doctors stopped finding new ailments.Maybe if I stopped going to see my doctors they would stop finding new ailments.... No bad idea.

Bigger reasons why I think I am doing better. First of all for over the past two years, I have been going to the gym regularly. I used to belong to a gym where I would walk on the treadmill and look at all the other equipment and never know how to use it and I went for daily walks. I broke down a couple of years ago and joined the expensive gym for dilapidated people where they have worked with me.

Now even though my health has clearly gone down hill, I am physically in better shape with muscles and things like that. I have retained a fair amount of flexibility and have a good sense of balance so I feel less clumsy. All this makes me feel 'healthy'. I can pick things up without straining. I don't feel like I am going to trip over myself.

Finally, I think my coping skills have improved. I don't let myself get all worked up over the little things any more. Life is too short to let the little things bug me. I save that for stupid customer service people or bad drivers on the highway. Most of the rest of it, I have learned to let it run off my back. I mean I have heard more medical ailments, there are not that many new ones left that might scare me at this point.

Just or the hell of it last week I decided to see if anyone would offer me life insurance at this point. The answer I have found is not for 'any reasonable amount of money'. So maybe I am seeing the humor in things as well. That is coping too. And thinking...

I am offended

After thinking about it, I have decided I am offended. Every morning the paper is delivered (yes we read the printed newspaper) and we fight over the comics. Usually I start with the front page and then once my husband has read the comics, he passes them to me.

We both read them regularly and are convinced there is an 'Arlo and Janice' camera in our house documenting our lives which are drawn into the cartoon. We usually snicker about different ones and tell each other which ones are particularly good.

Today I was disappointed by the Bizzarro cartoon. Of course I can't find it online to link here.

Essentially it is a one eyed woman in a bra store, being told that they only sell two cup bras there. I can see the humor in a cartoon woman with one eye and then one of everything else. But from a breast cancer point of view, I can feel the offense. Many women who had mastectomies and did not opt for reconstruction would be happy with a single cup bra.

I guess I think its insensitive and I choose to be offended.

Humor and cancer

Cancer must be treated with a sense of humor (and a large touch of sarcasm). There is simply no other way. And if you lose your sense of humor in life, no matter what your ailments, you are basically screwed. So keep laughing and carry on. In my continual search for humor in the dark cancer world, I am always looking for the funny stuff.

I know Lorri who lost a leg to cancer and does a stand up routine about the shark.... Because its funnier than cancer.

I know lots of women with breast cancer who have a group on Facebook called 'Humor is the best medicine' and are always looking for the bright side of things.

This morning a Google alert brought me a link to a Huffington Post Blog about a new cartoonist, Kate Matthews, who has just published "The Little Pink Book of (Mostly) Cancer Cartoons (In Color)!". So of course I had to do some research (even though its early in the day) and found some more info on her, including the fact that she is working on a second book.

Here are some of my first favorites. I am sure I will find more...

If you aren't laughing or at least smiling, you might need to think about therapy.

Cancer is hilarious

Well from the patient's side it is, definitely. I posted about being funny last week (or sometime recently that has fallen into the abyss called chemobrain). But some people are funnier than me. I read a blog called 'Cancer is Hilarious' which details the life of Kaylin who had a sarcoma and all sorts of medical adventures. Then in my pursuit to read all things funny about cancer, some how yesterday I stumbled across this fun little project called "Terminally Illin'" where the same Kaylin is raising money on Kickstarter to help publish a cancer cartoon book.

Slightly cynical, slightly irreverent, and REALLY hilarious, "Terminally Illin" is a candid look into the life of a young adult battling cancer, but with a psychedelic, sci-fi twist! It’s more than a comic book: It’s provocative, educational, entertaining, and totally original.  Think of "Terminally Illin" as a chemo-induced "Alice in Wonderland' meets campy 'Hollywood' action-adventure.

In our story, our hero goes in for her first day of chemo, but ends up getting lost in a fantasy world within her own microscopic body - on a quest to meet her disease face-to-face and kick it's butt!!

She's joined by her pet kitty, Iceman, as they set out to destroy the Tumordome, the invading cancer cell army, and their leader - the little dictator that's bent on world domination. But they don't do it alone - they make friends with a rag-tag bunch of weakened immune system cells that are on their last leg.  Hilarity and butt-kicking will ensue.  

This is their second book. I wish I had a copy of the first book as I wait for this one to come out. Anything that invokes a chemo-induced Alice in campy Hollywood sounds good to me.  There is not enough humorous stuff about cancer. There is not enough cancer stuff for young adults with cancer. So you add it up and you get funny stuff for all of us with cancer, especially those on the younger side. I'm all in here.

I will donate to their cause on Kickstarter, I encourage others to donate as well.

I'm allowed to be funny

In this morning's newspaper advice column (go to the second question), someone wrote in and said that she was someone living with cancer and had lost her mother to cancer and used humor to cope - and that offended someone. Who is this moron (and I use the term loosely)? The person who is offended I mean. The person who wrote in is sane, normal and intelligent because they questioned the 'moron's' thought process.

If us lucky people with cancer couldn't use humor, we would be boring. And depressed. And no fun whatsoever. We would need (more) therapy. We would be fat(ter) and lazier. We wouldn't be having fun with life which is a big part of living.

I use humor to cope because I can't do it any other way. I refer to us as the ones 'lucky enough' to get cancer because if I look at it any other way, it would be depressing. And that would suck. Besides it puts us in some sort of elite list - which makes us special. And we need to be special damn it. We would prefer not to have oncologists on speed dial or have their email addresses memorized.

Go Google the term 'laughter is the best medicine' and you will find numerous results - and many are based on medical studies (because we needed more medical studies) to prove that it is true. Where would life be without humor? Kind of boring. Was cancer supposed to suck the life and humor out of us? With a cancer diagnosis are we supposed to go sit in a chemo waiting room for eternity? Now that would be a real hell.

I'm allowed to be funny. I just hope other people think I'm funny. Sometimes I wonder if I am....